You’ve met “your person”, fell madly in love, and thankfully the feelings are mutual. The next thing you know he is down on one knee in a most romantic fashion, your heart is beating with anticipation; this is the moment you’ve been imagining since at least your teen years! As you look down and see your soulmate slowly open the box to ask you the most important question of your life thus far, you shout a hearty “YES!” as he proudly slips the ring on your left finger. But wait a minute what’s this? You look closely at your hand and barely stifle a small gasp because alas..while the man in front of you professing his undying love is more that you could have ever dreamed of in a life partner..the ring itself is not.
First of all, don’t panic and definitely don’t ruin the moment. Enjoy this momentous occasion and read on for how to handle this situation with dignity and grace but most importantly not hurt your partner’s feelings.
Give it a moment
Take a deep breath and let yourself get used to it a little; first impressions are often known to be deceiving. Remember, you probably didn’t have intense feelings for your partner in the first five minutes of your acquaintance. Don’t judge the engagement ring harshly right away, but give it a little time to grow on you.
What’s the story?
Ask your partner to tell you the story of the ring. An engagement ring, like any gift, comes from the heart of another person, and we don’t always know the backstory. Who knows, maybe your loved one chose it based on the ring his mother or grandmother wore or there is some other reason it resonated with him. Find out why he chose this particular ring and why he associates it with you. Who knows, maybe the story behind the ring will completely transform your opinion of it.
What’s the issue?
Figure out what is it exactly about the ring that bothers you.
Is it the color?
You wanted white gold or platinum but he chose yellow or rose? This is actually an easy exchange and it’s doubtful that your partner will be offended by it. Keep in mind, depending on the amount of metal in the setting, platinum can cost much more.
Is it the size?
If the reason for the dislike lies only in the size or quality of the diamond, then you are at a dead end. It is impolite to say that too little money has been spent on you, because in reality you were dreaming of a diamond twice the size. Surely your man bought, in his opinion, the most beautiful engagement ring in the price range that he could afford. And if everything else except for the size of the stone suits you, then it is better to delicately remain silent. You are marrying the man of your dreams, not the ring!
If it’s a matter of finance, you can always upgrade to a bigger center once your family income grows. In general finances are something that you need to discuss and come to an agreement upon as a couple. There are many financial decisions in your future and it’s important to get on the same page from the beginning.
Is it the shape?
If the center diamond is the wrong shape but you like the setting, almost any setting can be made to accommodate a different shape. At Gabriel & Co. for example, most settings are pre designed for whatever center stone you choose, and if not it can be built within 48 hours.
Is it the setting?
If the center diamond is perfect but you don’t like the setting, you can go back to the jeweler to select a setting in the same price range to set the stone in. Gabriel has a Shop Confidently Program which allows for a 1 year exchange policy on engagement ring settings making the process super easy and convenient.
Focus on the positive things about the ring that you do like and go from there. It’s very rare that a partner gets absolutely everything wrong.
Talk about it
If your new ring hasn’t passed the test of time and you’re positive you will not be happy wearing it “as is” it’s time to bite the bullet and have a heart-to-heart. Relationship experts agree that in this case it is not wise to keep it to yourself, otherwise the resentment will build and the discontent will reflect on your loved one. Most men will ask what you think of the ring and this is the perfect moment to gently thank him for the gift, reiterate how excited you are to marry him and delicately explain what you like and don’t like about the ring.
As mentioned above, discuss the budget and head back to the jewelry store together. Discuss your concerns with the jeweler who can assist in choosing a new ring, involving both of you in the purchase. You may even decide to design a setting together rather than choosing one from the showcase, this way you get a ring that is absolutely yours in spirit and style.
And remember this is but a very tiny hurdle in your beginning journey as life partners. If you’re honest, genuine and kind, your partner will appreciate it, after all he wants you to be happy and satisfied. Gabriel & Co. wishes you lots of happiness, love and health in your new chapter as husband and wife.